God sets the lonely in families....(Ps. 68:6)

The psalmist did not say that God set the lonely in Manhattan apartments or that God gave them cats, or even that He promised a "one true love" yadda yadda yadda, as our culture did. My brother, his wife, and my nephew are moving to Cedar Rapids, Iowa! Yes, this is 300 miles away, but it is much closer than Georgia, where they had been. Moreover, they will be much nearer our grandparents and near a few cousins.
As I prepare to apply for medical schools and see possibilities both near and far, I am drawn to remain near my family (grandparents, cousins, second cousins, brother, sister in law, nephew). Connecting to extended family members in South Dakota and feeling as though I belong somewhere has been even more meaningful than preparation for medical school. The question "Do you want to have a family?" is a complete fallacy. I was born into a family with many extended relatives. Happily, I have no choice but to realize I am part of one.

Biking on Ice

During this aptly named winter semester, a growing love of biking and a declining level of trust in my little car's abilities have led to a new skill, biking on ice. The first time I tried, three falls brought me to the end of the block, pretty bad if you consider that I live on the corner. Before the ice began to melt, however, I was ten miles strong. As I finish up my classes and apply for medical school in the summer, I find that I am biking on ice to the finish and the following rules apply:
1. Make sure you are comfortable. Good gloves and hat are not optional.
2. Before hitting ice, find your center of balance.
3. On ice,whatever you do, do not lose that center of balance
4. Do not change direction or try to accelerate on the ice.
5. Do not stop or slow down on the ice.
6. In short,do not do anything sudden on the ice.
7. Know that the ice will eventually melt, even in South Dakota.

Despite confusing pieces of advice and despite my own unjustified uncertainties, now is not the time to lose my center of balance or swerve.

My Third- World Budget

18 pounds of Texas oranges... 7.99
Brought some to a friend from Nepal,
she asked me to stay for lunch.
She asked me to take her to her aunt's house
We went and I gave this aunt some oranges,
Aunt insisted to give me two avocados and some pomegranate
I came home and brought some oranges to my housemate,
she invited me to dinner... lasagna
Next day, I made guacamole with the avocados,
invited my housemates to dinner.. fajitas!
They enjoyed; we laughed,
Then they invited me over the next two days;
pot roast, then chili
4 days of food (not counting all the oranges I ate)
...7.99

This is the magic I learned in a place where money does not account for wealth,
this is the apothecary's stone.
This is my budget;
give
and receive.

Success

Taking undergraduate science courses in disguise, (it seems that most of my classmates don't realize I am in a different age group) I have been able to observe many pre- med, pre - pharmacy, pre- "I don't know" classmates really struggle with their coursework. Augustana College is an expensive private college and many students have high expectations to live up to. Success, getting into graduate school, a "good" school, then making "enough" money, is so externally defined, it may be impossible to achieve.
It has been a successful semester. Yes, 7 of the 10 necessary classes are done; yes, the GPA is good. After getting good grades, I wonder, maybe it was too easy.. maybe I should have been taking four science courses instead of three... external definitions really never end.
I defined success for myself two Christmasses ago, however, and it didn't include any of these things. This has been a successful year because I am part of a community, because I am healthy, because I have meaningful work, and because I have many opportunities for spiritual learning. I am successful because I earn more than I spend, because I am cooking my way through a Goan cook book and because I cannot fit all the people I know and love into my home.
My Chemistry professor last summer said that most physical chemists chose their fields because of the vibrant colors....I am definitely seeing the colors in my choices as well.

Foreigner

My lab partner just would not quit... "But WHERE are you from again?" "Earth!" was my reply. She, from the Ukraine, wonders if I am not secretly Russian. I shake hands with two hands. I pronouce the letter "T" and yes, I do know that the "Rare Rhinos from Africa" at the local zoo are not the actual rare white rhinos.

When I started the semester, I arrived early to class. I noticed that in every class, a ring of foreign students surrounded me... later on, several asked where I was from...each expecting to hear his or her continent.

When I visited the University of South Dakota's medical school, an admissions officer asked me if I was a US citizen. He then proceeded to suggest application to other schools... after all I am not a native South Dakotan...

Co- workers do the same, saying that I sound funny.. well I do bring more than my share of curries and lentils to lunch (let's not forget my 14 lb. bag of basmati rice!)

Meanwhile, there is a small Somali grocery store where most delicacies of middle eastern and eastern African origin are available, at a slight inflation. A little Arabic with the owner and I have been placed (unwillingly) into the Somali relationship grapevine...."You sure you're single? Maybe not for long!"... ok...

This Thanksgiving, I am grateful. Not just for the opportunity to see so much but for the opportunity to be so greatly altered. To be a part of a community and a part of my family. To have 250 million dollars--- Zim dollars, that is, and know what is actually of value. Blessed are the......well, not neccessarily the American dream, that's for sure.

Shame and Stereochemistry

My paternal grandparents came over the other night, and we had a nice evening with my housemates (my cousin and her busband, the doctor/ resident director) until the topic came to me. My grandpa proudly recounted some of my autobiography, traveling to Lesotho when I graduated from college, traveling in the Peace Corps, etc.; and my housemates began to ask a few questions. Later on, my grandpa asked me about the job offer I had vs. medical school. That night, during my Ignatian examen, I asked myself, what was a prevailing or poignant emotion today? The answer: shame.
Of what? Of appearing to be changing directions, of appearing to have muddled around in the past, of being back in undergraduate courses-- NOW. In organic chemistry, we realized that we cannot know the properties of a molecule until we turn it around and flip it over and see all of its sides. Am I ashamed of my actual narrative? No; because I can see more of its' sides. Do I feel shame before the Almighty? No, because he can see all of my sides. I am ashamed, however, of the one dimension at a time that others see.
The next day, a mutual friend who is violent, has a borderline personality disorder, and will not take a job because of work on a "book", came to the conversation. I could only think-- what's on the other side?

Tests

I just finished my first round of tests for the semester. On the night before my first physics test, I felt I was not able to do the problems and could not think. I called a good friend in tears asking what was wrong with me, am I crazy?, etc..... Guess what? The test was just fine, I answered and thought through all the questions with time to spare...
The next day, I was unexpectedly offered a job interview for a prestigious charitable trust.... and my interviewer asked "How serious are you about medical school?"
This was much more difficult than the physics test, but the reasoning remained the same. First, I had to break everything down into its positive and negative components, calculating for the slight differences in angle. I am not pursuing medical school for salary and prestige... those can be attained in much less difficult ways. I am doing this because I feel a calling. I know that if I do not do it, I will always be in regret. I do this because medicine offers a unique chance to share in human suffering, to be on the ground with the least respected of humanity and to have a tool in my hands to help. I am doing this because I value the substance of gaining knowledge and skills much more than the shiny suit or business plan that could be used to gloss them over. I guess I really am choosing arete- to fulfill my fullest potential, to endure hardship and difficulty... The real reason is that, this choice is all that will undo that knot deep down in my stomach and let me go to sleep.