Arete

Within my first month in the US, I went to a friend’s wedding were former college mates, along with their spouses and families, were congregated. I, of course, was asked what I was doing and what I planned to do. I felt so ashamed that someone finally answered for me. Why had I not settled down and started a career or family? Friends in medical school advised me to simply find a job, warning me of the difficulty and sacrifice involved in medicine.
After being in the US for a few months, however, the enormity of these past four years is slowly sinking in. The gravity of what I am now after is also becoming more apparent. And I am energized by it.
In the ancient Greek culture, arête was the end of human aspiration: it was pursuit of reaching fullest potential; mentally, physically, and spiritually. It was not comfort, nor wealth, but a struggle for the ultimate good, for excellence in life, and for continuous growth.
I finished the summer Chemistry courses successfully and am now preparing to begin physics, organic chemistry, and biology for the fall. I am thinking about different medical schools, building community here in Sioux Falls, strengthening bonds with family members, and seeking spiritual growth. I try to do most of this on bike…… no I’m not after the American dream. Nothing could be closer to a premature casket for me. What is the aim? Arete.

Give an Account

Faith
Last night, my housemates and I were watching a rare television show (the first for me this summer) and the topic turned to the child abuse perpetrated by priests. Inwardly, I cringed as I anticipated the inevitable —“Sarah, what do rational, ethical Catholics think about this?” I fumbled for an answer that I did not have, wishing that I could vaporize under the chair.
The question has many forms, many topics, but can be expressed by Elton John “Imagine no religion—the world would be so wonderful, the world would be as one”….. wouldn’t it? At times, I wonder if I am making a grave assault on all of humanity by being religious, and I know that, to some people, I am.
I have to give an answer, a reason for my hope. I am religious; I am a person who has faith. I am, of sorts, a spiritual addict who would find “quitting” ultimately devastating. Am I merely ingesting the opium of the masses? You may think so.
I am spiritual because I believe that life’s purpose cannot be found in material acquisition, sexual prowess, and power. I am spiritual because I am a seeker. I am seeking beauty and truth. I am seeking personal “set apartness” a set of values and a way of living that defies my culture’s aspirations. I have faith in purpose beyond my biological cells, and yes, in a great unknowable, uncreated being beyond my definitions.
My faith is found in and focused upon the person of Jesus. He challenges me to value the people that no one else sees—and to find the value in my own brokenness. Jesus speaks of charity, that the good Samaritan was truly good because he assisted someone with a different worldview and mindset from his own—without trying to change him. Jesus takes the woman at the well and addresses the core of her being. Instead of dismissively accepting her lifestyle, he addressed what she was seeking through her series of broken relationships; a sustaining renewal.

Jesus ultimately suffered and died. He, by all measures of “normality” and “the American dream” was a complete failure. In the bread and wine, he teaches me the value of a life given, the beauty of grapes bruised and fermented instead of the fast and sweet that my culture loves.
Corruption exists now in the Church as it has existed in religious organizations throughout history. Jesus was killed by religious leaders. Jesus was betrayed by a corrupt person in his own group. I am religious, however, because of hope. Yes, in the search for beauty and truth; in mass and in Eucharistic adoration; there have been priests who committed the unthinkable. This is condoned by no one, least of all faithful church members. The harshest words of Christ were for those who offended children. Hope believes that beauty and truth still exists, even when rottenness and lies are found. Hope is affirmed by the fact that church leaders must face appropriate judicial processes, seeing the renewing effect of exposure and change.
Contrast the suffering servant who lived in poverty and died in shame with Lucifer. Lucifer was the leader of angelic music, called the morning star, prince of angels, exceeding in beauty and light. Through pride he fell, becoming the embodiment of evil. The dark side of faith, then, is very real, very dangerous. As with love, hate and heartbreak on it’s heels, faith is neither comfortable or a guaranteed good. Arrogance, entitlement, and privilege, all threaten to bring the Church to ruin. This is why I am glad to be challenged. I am glad my faith is not one of society’s norm, but one that is threatened, and forced into examination. I hope my faith will come out pure, refined; gold.

Every Day Grace

In the past 10 weeks, I have lost 5 lab partners. The chemistry course this summer is rigorous, and, to some, daunting. I already hear the dread of next term's science courses from my classmates. I ordered my books and will be preparing ahead of the Sept. 5 start date. Work is also challenging, and requires some creativity and organization, which, for some, produces stress.
Yes, to think of what I am dreaming, fear is an easy choice. But I will never have to face the whole of medicine or the whole of life in a day. Each day, instead, has it's own challenges. Conversely, each has it's own grace.
Lately, therefore, I have been focused on the minutia of what I do every day, what I accomplish in an hour, or in thirty minutes. Throughout that day, I search for the special grace to help me through it's tasks-- it can always be found. At the end of the day, I must be satisfied with it, not with the great unknown future.
I have begun to look through a bird book and try to identify the birds I usually encounter. The Gospels are very true... "Look at the birds of the field...they do not worry...the Father cares for them."

Cribz

Joy in life must be in the little things. For me, this season; a newly painted kitchen and bathroom are a great help! So is the bike trail I can usually use in travel to work and to class. Everything is very different and new.

I am working at a children's hospital, taking chemistry classes (finished one successfully and am on the second) and learning about the upper middle class. I am blessed to be living with my cousin and her husband,a local doctor and part time school of medicine faculty member. My cousin's husband works with uninsured patients that cannot afford to pay for his services. He also conducts home visits.... and supervises internal medicine residents. His practice of medicine, therefore, is very instructive.
I am, for the first time in life, surrounded by white people from the upper middle class. My first friends from this group were fellow peace corps volunteers. Sometimes I think I am living in the type of home a typical Peace Corps volunteer would come from. Oh wait, there is no typical.....I was always mildly scared of this group. Perhaps I felt there was nothing in common. True, there is much that we do not share; but maybe I am something new and interesting for them...
An economist magazine, addressed to me, along with two books by Abraham Vergese showed up by my door the other day. They were ordered for me. The next friendly conversation with Dr.-- included questions related to their content. I had not read them because of my new 12 hour work/study schedule--- I am learning (from mistakes!) to prioritize real learning and cultural experiences. I could not have asked for a better team of coaches than my wonderful hosts! My learning curve is steep-- but if my head wants to be in the clouds and my feet on the ground; I need to be stretched tall.

Starting the pre-med process.

I spent four months landing in South Dakota, preparing for the next step, deciding whether to do a premedical post- bac, and arranging for the premedical year. It was not fun to have such an emotional roller coaster. It was, however, a good time for spiritual connections, through a local parish group, and through my family, who love me even when I feel lost.

My premedical year is about to begin. I am doing a whirlwind driving trip with my grandparents down from South Dakota through Iowa, Arkansas, and Texas, seeing family members along the way. On Sunday, I will go to Sioux Falls. On Monday, I will begin class. On Tuesday, I will begin the screening and training sessions for work.

The process will actually be very straight forward; I must take Chemistry I and II this summer, Biology I, Physics I and Organic Chemistry I this fall, and Biology II, Physics II, and Calculus this spring (I completed Biology II already). Next summer, I will take a Kaplan review course then the MCAT. Late summer will be dedicated to applications for different medical schools. During this time, I will be working part time at the Children's Care hospital as a direct support professional. I will be able to help severely disabled children through therapy sessions, school days, and evening activities. I think it will be a great opportunity to give to another person.
The next academic year will be one of interviews, biochemistry, anatomy and physiology, and, hopefully, full time work.

One year of academics and one year of working and waiting. There are fears: am I smart/ driven enough? Is this foolish? I will have one year to find out. I personally think it is about discipline; regular and rigorous study, healthy life habits, and staying sane. I was told by a friend that followed a similar path that it is very easy to know if this is right....."your first chemistry test, Sarah. The same logic, the same format, is used from that first chemistry test through the rest of medical school....." Yikes.. here we come!

God uses pennies

How was copper wire invented?  Well, you see, two Dutchmen were fighting over a penny........

My mom's cousin's husband--kin?-- told this to his fellow South Dakotan doctors at a meeting last week.  This was followed by:  well there's this Dutch girl by the name of Zoutendam who will be applying to our medical school next year...she's related to Dr. Zoutendam... and she told me that joke.

The same distant cousin who happily offered a spare apartment in her house for me, the same doctor who told me that I was on the right track and that I could shadow him...then said "They know your name now, Sarah, they'll be looking out for you."

An aunt said she had a pickup in good condition that I could use for the summer-- if I learn to drive a stick shift.  (I am memorizing all the hilly stop signs, and may not visit you if you live on a hill.)

Oh yes, a cousin who has some car dealerships and will sell to me at cost...

A job is opening up at the Children's Hospital despite my strange background..... in which I can provide care to a disabled child and join in all the therapy sessions  (with a broad spectrum of health providers).

There is a scholarship available to cover a significant portion of my tuition.

My grandparents on all sides are alive and remarkably well. They have all been very supportive of my next move. My mom's parents took me in when I had no idea where I was going and even let me use their vehicle for a few months. My Dad's parents offer a sounding ground, advice, and catch me when I fall.....

Oh yeah, did I mention the doctor who treated a problem in my leg... for free?  And then asked me to shadow him during his weekend on duty (because he wanted to hear more about Ethiopia)?  What about the doctor I shadowed who had been a SOCIAL WORKER for six years before going back to medical school-- and told me how much more a person from the social sciences can add to medicine?  

There is also a small town family doctor who knows one of my Rutgers professors and had me over for a chat. Who would guess that he is part of an advisory team for national health care reform initiatives and medicare payment amounts? Several professors, by the way, have sent recommendations to my various ideas of post- baccalaureates and are supportive of my final choice. They even send recommendations as I job- hunt.

Small things... my apartment is fully furnished-- down to oven, microwave, even dish rags -- better yet, access to a bread maker.... oh yes, and friends of friends with symphony members for free Sioux Falls symphony tickets....

Speaking of music, there's more...a friend has a recording studio that recorded Congolese choirs in the area (that I can go to hear).  More: an Ethiopian friend who wants to show me the local Ethiopian churches.  A contact with the local Sudanese "lost boy" community.

Stop, did I mention the local small group I joined in Aberdeen's parishes with a dear couple in their seventies? We go out for breakfast every Sunday after mass. They were raised on farms, were farmers and we can really share stories and thoughts! What about the parish I am connected with in Sioux Falls? It has a young, active congregation, intent on Christian communities.

I can't forget the wonderful ladies that I meet with in church who share advice on cooking roasts with Coca- Cola and care about who I am and where I'm going.

Oh, I forgot, I will be living near the historic district in an actual neighborhood and in a 3 mile radius of everything I need.

Wait, my first winter in South Dakota was the warmest one... EVER....

I am blessed and I cannot say anything else about it.  God needs a leap of faith, a moment of flying, but He is a good catcher.  Who knew he would take my little pennies and make a fortune?

Down

No sooner had I arrived in the house than I was greeted by a litany of questions. So, you going back to school? Didn't get enough there? How much is it going to cost? Where will you live? Do you have a job? Have you been applying for jobs? Yeah, what kind? In my family, this is how love is sometimes expressed. Brutally exacting, but out of concern. That's part of why I decided to stay here. I have to move to the biggest city in South Dakota, right by the Iowa border, in order to take the courses needed for medical school admissions. I am, however, staying in the sate, and very close to family on all sides. In this new stage of life, establishing a home is too important to put off. So, I put my foot down and decided to stay here. I am also applying for patient care jobs at different hospitals and nursing homes. The interviews are terribly embarrassing "So, you have a masters's degree and you are applying for this job?" "Where are you from?" "So, you're changing directions.....?(raised eyebrow)" Not to mention that contacting someone for references in Uganda doesn't always work well.
This is the hardest thing I will ever do. Choosing to plant roots somewhere, to humbly take my courses as a nontraditional older student, and to bravely take this one day at a time, are all difficult. If you would have told me at 18 that this is where I'd be 8 years later, I wouldn't have believed you---- then I would have cried. Yes, I battle my doubts every day, and I do look at the social work jobs posted every once in a while. In the end, however, if I take what's coming instead of trying to run away, it will turn out. After all, I have a lot of strong, sometimes rigid, support.