Forgive me, dear readers, I have sinned. For the past 6 months, I have been thinking and planning and praying, and consulting people. I have, inevitably, driven some of my Peace Corps friends crazy with constant talking and thinking and dreaming and planning—all about one thing. Although I have hinted about it multiple times on this blog; I was a bit afraid to bare all. You have, for all your following and reading, been completely in the dark.
Today, after my computer’s Ebola epidemic, after my friend’s computer was struck by lightning and after the internet café and hour and a half away (by cramped taxi) claimed to have “lost the network”—I decided that it was now or never. I still cannot be completely straight with you, so I will tell you by way of a story: that of my life.
After an interesting but not completely challenging liberal arts education, I decided to travel the world and learn. For a year I traveled, then I decided on a masters’ and peace corps. By the time I found myself in the Peace Corps, I had begun to visualize my future career as a dark, boring, unfulfilling gray—working for some organization where I was not challenged and where I continuously found ethical quandaries—I was only 24!
In college, several friends became doctors, a road which seemed much more interesting and challenging, but one which required an absolute calling--- something I was very unsure of. The world was so big, I did not want to think about one patient at a time, just yet.
The more I see big projects fail, and big people unwittingly feed big rotten messes, I wonder if one person at a time doesn’t constitute the whole world, after all. The people I have met here who have the most on the ground relevance and actually DO something are doctors. Whether my friend doing fistula surgeries in Kasese or MSF in my village; doctors actually stay on the ground with real people. When they do want to advocate for someone or something, furthermore, they seem to know a heck of a lot more about the subject at hand—and are listened to.
In December, I gave myself a Christmas gift. I took out a big piece of butcher paper and mapped out where I could go from here—career wise. This included becoming a social worker at home, working in the foreign service, working for international aid orgs, and medicine. Every day, at the day’s end, I voted for which one I wanted; according to my set of values also posted on the wall. I wanted to be personally helpful to someone, to be able to make ethical decisions, to become a part of a community, to have an interesting career, and to continuously learn and be challenged. I also began visiting any medical person or clinic or hospital I could find, to see if I was crazy or not. Medicine won every day (except one).
The Middle Eastern Awakening furthermore discouraged international public policy – people should be able to decide for themselves what to do; not having a foreign govt. supporting a repressive regime. I just kept thinking, when I am on my deathbed and looking back at life, what will make me feel as if I have lived well, and ethically, and used all I have? Or, instead, will I have propped up repressive regimes my whole life or just shuffled papers and done nothing?
I want to really help others, really do something challenging and life absorbing; not just nine to five.
Since that time, I have been looking into several post-bac programs to fulfil my pre- med requirements and it seems as though I could make it into several. From there to med- school (the programs I want go directly from the former to the latter); I will be 5 years behind someone coming straight from undergrad. 5 years to have lived in two foreign countries and really thought about my place in this world and what I want to do. 5 years to confirm the fact that I want to have a challenging, personally meaningful, and not world- dominating career. 5 years to banish my regrets. 5 years to have managed some projects and have the ability to take any career international, if I want.
According to Merton, one is supposed to go to a desert not of isolation of personal emotions; interpersonal interactions, and personality challenges. John F. Kennedy, for all his politics, was a Catholic when he founded this crazy peace corps idea. I am emerging from a two year desert, in Uganda, but a 4 year desert from Lesotho to Camden to here. Merton says we should emerge “great, noble, and pure.” Looking at that crucifix in mass every day; with an example of a great, knowledgeable creator who gave life painfully for me, I think about living for a calling. Dying for a calling every day. As long as I keep those motives pure, the doctor thing seems to fit. What do they say—Africa steals your heart, then it kills you. What will my med. School interviewers think when I tell them that becoming a doctor is like dying, so that you can really live? Ummm, maybe 5 years was a little too long to ruminate.
Today, after my computer’s Ebola epidemic, after my friend’s computer was struck by lightning and after the internet café and hour and a half away (by cramped taxi) claimed to have “lost the network”—I decided that it was now or never. I still cannot be completely straight with you, so I will tell you by way of a story: that of my life.
After an interesting but not completely challenging liberal arts education, I decided to travel the world and learn. For a year I traveled, then I decided on a masters’ and peace corps. By the time I found myself in the Peace Corps, I had begun to visualize my future career as a dark, boring, unfulfilling gray—working for some organization where I was not challenged and where I continuously found ethical quandaries—I was only 24!
In college, several friends became doctors, a road which seemed much more interesting and challenging, but one which required an absolute calling--- something I was very unsure of. The world was so big, I did not want to think about one patient at a time, just yet.
The more I see big projects fail, and big people unwittingly feed big rotten messes, I wonder if one person at a time doesn’t constitute the whole world, after all. The people I have met here who have the most on the ground relevance and actually DO something are doctors. Whether my friend doing fistula surgeries in Kasese or MSF in my village; doctors actually stay on the ground with real people. When they do want to advocate for someone or something, furthermore, they seem to know a heck of a lot more about the subject at hand—and are listened to.
In December, I gave myself a Christmas gift. I took out a big piece of butcher paper and mapped out where I could go from here—career wise. This included becoming a social worker at home, working in the foreign service, working for international aid orgs, and medicine. Every day, at the day’s end, I voted for which one I wanted; according to my set of values also posted on the wall. I wanted to be personally helpful to someone, to be able to make ethical decisions, to become a part of a community, to have an interesting career, and to continuously learn and be challenged. I also began visiting any medical person or clinic or hospital I could find, to see if I was crazy or not. Medicine won every day (except one).
The Middle Eastern Awakening furthermore discouraged international public policy – people should be able to decide for themselves what to do; not having a foreign govt. supporting a repressive regime. I just kept thinking, when I am on my deathbed and looking back at life, what will make me feel as if I have lived well, and ethically, and used all I have? Or, instead, will I have propped up repressive regimes my whole life or just shuffled papers and done nothing?
I want to really help others, really do something challenging and life absorbing; not just nine to five.
Since that time, I have been looking into several post-bac programs to fulfil my pre- med requirements and it seems as though I could make it into several. From there to med- school (the programs I want go directly from the former to the latter); I will be 5 years behind someone coming straight from undergrad. 5 years to have lived in two foreign countries and really thought about my place in this world and what I want to do. 5 years to confirm the fact that I want to have a challenging, personally meaningful, and not world- dominating career. 5 years to banish my regrets. 5 years to have managed some projects and have the ability to take any career international, if I want.
According to Merton, one is supposed to go to a desert not of isolation of personal emotions; interpersonal interactions, and personality challenges. John F. Kennedy, for all his politics, was a Catholic when he founded this crazy peace corps idea. I am emerging from a two year desert, in Uganda, but a 4 year desert from Lesotho to Camden to here. Merton says we should emerge “great, noble, and pure.” Looking at that crucifix in mass every day; with an example of a great, knowledgeable creator who gave life painfully for me, I think about living for a calling. Dying for a calling every day. As long as I keep those motives pure, the doctor thing seems to fit. What do they say—Africa steals your heart, then it kills you. What will my med. School interviewers think when I tell them that becoming a doctor is like dying, so that you can really live? Ummm, maybe 5 years was a little too long to ruminate.
No comments:
Post a Comment