Falling in Love

Last night, I did myself a great service and read a love book. Now, I am not one for romance (books, films, or music) but a friend convinced me to read Dr. Neil Clark Warren’s Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons. Aside from giving me serious worries about my newly found lying habit (acquired in Uganda-- I never tell people where I live, where I am from, or where I am going here! I am used to being surrounded in lies, am I now a pathological liar? Should I go for psychotherapy with Dr. Warren before proceeding?) the book was quite inspirational. According to his statistics, 50% of marriages end in divorce, and of those who stay together, half are miserable. I personally know of only three marriages that I would really want to emulate. But in those marriages, and the potential for them, I find my inspiration.
Take the marriage of my mother’s parents, for example. (If you are married, you can imagine that you are in one of the remaining two). They have been married for over 50 years and are still crazy about each other. From all of the little nicknames, to the incessant teasing, to the fact that they just love to be with each other, they exude more romance than most newlyweds. They have weathered the thick and the thin with humor, common beliefs and attitudes, similar work ethics, thrift, cuddling, card games, the occasional German phrase, plenty of Oreos and chocolate fudge, and some really cool grandkids.
The enemy of the best choice is always the “ok” choice. Especially in terms of marriage and relationships, the enemy of what would be a phenomenal relationship is getting stuck with the passable one, for now. Fear of being alone, living alone, and, eventually, dying alone can make me think of a lot of passable choices. Especially here, where men who know more than “I love you” in English and “My size, you come, we go!” are rare. Jokes aside, however, the lack of compatible men here does make me consider people that I might not have otherwise thought about.
Secondly, I have to be sure that Sarah is ok before moving forward. Peace Corps has been really good for me, as a person, as a friend, and as a potential relationship partner. I needed to figure out who I was, who I am, spiritually, culturally, career- wise, and etc. before bringing anyone else into my world.
In the end, I just need to keep the faith. Faith in the idea that there is the right person out there somewhere, faith that I can become a great partner to someone, and faith that I don’t have to settle for anything else; that faith is the most important thing. I know that my family members on both sides are wondering if I will ever get married. I wonder also. I know that everyone is relieved that I am not bringing home someone from Uganda (except the motorcycle drivers in my village, that is). Finally, I know that I, after having spent two years alone here am not afraid of singleness. In fact, I love being single, and will only trade it for a phenomenal relationship. – by the way, using eHarmony to do so may not be such a bad idea after all………… oh wait, I have to actually decide where I live first!