Rocks

Coming up from this overseas experinece, it is time for the bends. Sometimes I feel like I have just been wasting my time and that I should have done it all differently. I find myself trying to keep from telling people what I have been doing for the past few years for as long as possible. I am applying to post- bac programs, and, considering the cost, also applying to universitites where I can get in state tuition for the same courses. I am agonizing over whether I'm doing the right thing, whether I am being crazy, envying people with regular jobs and steady lives, and generally twisted up in knots. When one aunt asked me where I'm headed, I told her "Straight to the psychiatrist's table!" Mornings are usually all right but at night, I lay shivering (in a heated house in Georgia, under 4 blankets), thinking, unable to sleep. The gospel today (now that I can get scripture readings and meditations in my phone as an app, I have no reason to fall behind) was from Matthew 7:21-27, about building a house, a life, on the rock of Christ. If my existence is really built on Christ, not on a career, or an education, or even a family, He is all that really matters. Yes, I am pursuing my career dreams, etc., but, in the end, it is my relationship with Him that is important. Moreover, if that is my rock, on which my life is built, these small storms of career and etc., cannot reach me; indeed, they are too low. The key to walking on water in a storm, after all, is to focus on Christ and not look down!